“I was too scared to abandon him altogether, of course. Without him, what was I?” (PLUCK, page 31) The journey from being a believer to questioning is a messy one, and Adam Hughes bares his personal walk through doubt with vulnerability and grace throughout this remarkable collection of poems and prose. Religion and doctrine have a way of latching themselves on to our identity, and when we begin to question, to seek answers, it can feel like the end of the world, the end of us. Who are we without our gods?
I personally have gone through my own story of questioning and ultimately wandering off from God and faith, and I found much to relate to in Hughes’ fifth poetry collection. I was never a preacher, of course, but I was born into faith, raised with faith, and thought I would be a believer my whole life. I believed so deeply in Heaven, Hell, and that sin would define my fate, that I would find myself praying and begging for forgiveness at the slightest mistakes, the smallest of faults. As a child, God was someone to love. But as I grew older and learned more about sin, and how simply unavoidable such things are for us human beings, God became someone to fear. Someone to appease or face the never-ending fire.
“What is left when certainty erodes?”, Hughes’ asks on page 81. What happens when we are forced to face the abyss that doubt has created, in our hour of need, when it feels like no one is there any longer to guide us? These questions are explored in rending verse, matter-of-fact prose, and with a sharp wit in PLUCK, something that has felt so mystical becoming so very mundane. We make our own certainty, and there is strength in accepting the unknown.
Ultimately, my relationship with faith is something I tend to keep buried. But here, Hughes’ has provided me with a shovel to begin digging and unpacking the influential beliefs that defined me from a young age. This book has given me the strength to face these things, and I feel less alone in my journey that once felt so isolating, so dark and cold. I would highly recommend this collection, out now and available on the Boa website!
Leah Joy is a Boa Intern and writer and artist based in Rochester, NY. They hold an Associates Degree in Creative Writing from Finger Lakes Community College, and are a contributor to City Magazine. When they aren’t writing (which is often) they can be found playing with their cats, dancing with their friends, or watching a mid-2000s horror movie.
